I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize