it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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