somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
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Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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