I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
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