why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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