No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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