I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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