i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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