This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
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Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
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The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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