Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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