I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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