Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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