So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize