She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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