She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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