I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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