just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
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You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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