I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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