i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize