Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we're so committed to being not committed
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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