Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
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He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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