ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
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didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
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walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
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