Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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