Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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