And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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