i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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