Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
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So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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