i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize