areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
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We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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