I think I won the penis lottery.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize