I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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