I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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