My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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