Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
How's work?
Spinning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There r osticjed everywhere
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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