anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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