I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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