I got chris browned last night
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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