i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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