your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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