Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Randomize