Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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