This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
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What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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