A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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