I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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