Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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