No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize