oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize