one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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