I just threw up on my dentist
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize