who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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